Loud and Clear Topic: follow up.
I wanted to farther explain my previous blog while the emotional roller coaster I experience shined through. My words about lawyers did not fully detail enough to give the proper image.
Since I have been here. Well since I was first dealing with the judicial System really. My experiences have not been the best with lawyers. As a juvenile, my lawyer made no real effort to fight for me. Just explained the motions we would go through. Never asked me if I was innocent to some of the charges. He only told me that if I didnt accept a plea deal, I could face 10 years! His words scared me into pleading guilty to a couple crimes I did not do.
Then I get this case. My first appeal lawyers really messed me over. One refusing to explore my claims, as they would have reflected badly on the prosecutor & trial lawyers. The other let a woman smoke crack & file all false claims in my appeal. Which resulted in my having no appeal basically. The court refused to give me an out over it. I was held to bear that cross.
Then again, lawyers that actually plotted to keep me from doing something with some highly qualified investigators. They delayed & played phone tag, untill the one year deadline to file my appeal. What ended up happening was a dear friend lost the 10,000$ she had paid the investigators. As my lawyers got them to look at some dumb shit. I could have won at trial or at least won in 2007. Versus being here still fighting in 2017! Another 10 years of life gone, all because of lawyers. Then here I am at this extremely vital point. I have lawyers that one of which I have known since 2007. Which I have documented in blogs how close I with her. That I was treated like a friend versus purely a client.
Had a rocky relationship with another lawyer. Which came to a head last year, with a couple of very heated arguments. One of which I hung up on her. (can have legal phone calls.) After the last arguement. It was like everything cleared up & we then got along better then ever. Now what fueled that fight was my feeling lied to . I was given the impression that filings would be pushed. It wasn’t done when thought would. Nor was there a plan to. They wanted to do what most lawyers do. Wait. Which is what I want the least to do! As waiting just means staying more in this god forsaken place. When I went off about it, the lawyer I was closest with. It seemed she was trying to avoid me. Which in all honesty it is easy for me to point at that & yell, “BAD!”.
Though I understand. She is scared that I will get executed. Being aggressive in a state that she has seen do things that made her jaw drop in shock. That in 1.9 years prior she had never seen in a court room. It un-nerves a person. So to them the wait means being alive.
Also I readily admit that my approach can be a bit too aggressive. Okay fast forward. Had a visit a month ago with lawyer. One that I had argued with . After our fall out. As I wrote it was like a cloud lifted from our interactions. We got along way better then ever before! Really enjoyed our interaction with each other. She is super smart. I got a decent brain also. We make a great team. Plus I have more say in my case then any other client they have. It is very rare for any client to have the voice I do in my case. One of my biggest honor badges is that they have came to trust me & respect me & my mind. As I wrote, we work as a team on equal footing.
When I last seen my lawyer, felt we was on great ground & that she was going to push the issue. In doing so thought would be speaking with her again soon & or get a letter from her. As days became weeks. I thought “here we go again!” Doubt creeped in & I felt like it would be more of the same hurry up & wait bullshit. It all hit me, along with some other personal matters, when I wrote the last biog. Then a few hours later I get a letter detailing how she had been doing all she said she would. She just didnt tell me sooner. I am sure her thinking was that since all is good with us now, that I would have faith in her.
One of the downsides of everyone seeing me as strongest person they know. It is often thought ‘he will be okay.’ It is hard to fight the courts & prosecutors. Having to fight lawyers & people I know. It becomes overwhelming. Though as I said. I am getting along great with them now. I over reacted. Surer while my experiences would make it “that none would blame me. I shouldn’t all that did me wrong in front of everyone else. It isnt fair. Though when in a relationship with anyone. Each person brings their past to the table. It has to be shifted through, so as to see each other properly & the relationship can prosper. No matter the type of relationship it is. A bit of understanding goes a long way.
As for me personally. I fight to win. Not going to stop fighting untill I win. Really wish I could take that blog back. It is very rare that anyone beyond my baby sister or a woman that I am really close to, get to see such raw emotions or thoughts from me.
My strength comes from past pain. The adversity I have been through. It is why I developed the saying.” Use the pain to fuel the fire that burns- inside of you.”
We all worry, get scared, have doubt, & etc. What matters is how you deal with it. The saying, it doesn’t matter that you get knocked down 9 times, as long as you get back up 10. It is very true. Also I hate being defined by this place. I always tell people do not call me a death row inmate. I am a man on death row. Beyond the case struggles, over the 8 months or so. A topic about myself & this place have developed. Which took an emotional toll on me.
Several projects I was wanting to get done didnt get completed. Let me be clear the projects are pertaining to my songs. It is not due to lack of effort by Alex, Meike, & Jorunn have tried. Want to make sure that my words are not seen as reflecting those that lead my campaign. Anyways. this is a complicated situation that is not easy for anyone involved. In some ways I make things harder for me. As I worry about everything. I attempt to fight every battle. Like in here have had to deal with some issues. Becoming even more frustrated because of so few, that actually will stand up against this system. Shame really.
You all will see/have seen one of the use of force videos where I am all bloody in the film. I have chronicled many of the efforts we have taken here to protest the system. A way to disrupt & resist. Guess it can kind of be seen as like the monks that would set themself on fire. As that pepperspray felt like fire.:) The paintball gun shoots a special kind of ball that has CS powder in it. Cs powder burns & eats up oxygen making it harder to breath. The same as the smoke grendades. Two weeks after that use of force, I made -them run in on me again after the stitches was removed. As wanted to make sure they understand, while they broke my nose, they didnt break Clinton Young!
Alrighty then. Gonna wrap this one up.
To all that step up & help. Thanks! Its needed & I am greatful for all
Also with all I worry about, it is why I stress so much about my mail.
So when writing me PLEASE follow the steps I outlined. As I want to make sure is no problems or hang ups in my getting it. I understand life moves fast out there. I get it, the ease some things. Just please take that one extra moment to make sure all is done right. As otherwise I risk not getting youre words & that causes delays, doubts on both end & etc. Thanks
In solidarity,
Veni vidi vici
Clinton YOUNG #999447
Polunsky Unit
3872 FM 350 south Livingston TX 77351 USA